I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
