i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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