I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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