She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
