at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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