When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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