it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
