Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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