We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
