I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
