Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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