we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
