Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
