Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
false alarm, still single
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
