Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
