Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
