and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
