I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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