I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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