Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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