so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
