I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
