Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
