Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
