I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
