East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
