needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
