I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
