Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
