I just cut my nipple shaving
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
