Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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