i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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