actually, I'm a sock model
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
