Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
