Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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