i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
