The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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