i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
