Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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