Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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