just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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