I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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