i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
