My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
