Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
