butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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