Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
