She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
