ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
