Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
