he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
